


I'm Not Beautiful Anymore

by whatwasthatharry



Series: Beautiful [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: BDSM, Blangst, Body Image, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:20:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatwasthatharry/pseuds/whatwasthatharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the past year, Blaine’s weight has gotten a little out of control. He stopped working out and started eating more in the wake of Kurt leaving for New York. And when Kurt comes back home for his graduation, Blaine doesn’t feel like he deserves Kurt. He’s not beautiful anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Beautiful Anymore

Blaine stared at himself in the mirror, eyes raking over his stomach and mouth turning down into a frown. He was  _fat._ There really wasn’t any way around it anymore, and he didn’t dare stand on a scale to see how much weight he’d put on.

Kurt was going to be so disappointed in him, and that’s what hurt the most. Kurt, his sweet, loving Dom, who did nothing short of make life perfect for Blaine. And what was Blaine doing? He was completely letting himself go.

It’d been a hard year for Blaine without Kurt, without his constant guidance and touches every day. Sure, there’d been visits and skype dates, phone calls that got too heated and fights that Blaine cried about until he could talk to Kurt again, but they’d managed to survive the year. But it’d still been so  _hard_ for Blaine. Kurt used to always be there. Cooper had joked about Kurt picking out his clothes, but that was exactly what Kurt did. Kurt had helped to take care of Blaine, and Blaine had slipped in the past year without that constant comfort.

So he’d found another source of comfort for the times Kurt was too busy or Blaine was too tired after Glee for a skype date. He’d turned to food, and as he stared at himself on the mirror, he wanted to take back every cookie, every piece of cake, every fattening pasta sauce and pieces of bread he’d eaten. He could see his stomach rolling over where his pants were buttoned and he couldn’t help but scoff in disgust.

_(Kurt’s never going to want me again now.)_

He was scared. What if he lost Kurt? Blaine never thought he was good enough for someone as beautiful as Kurt, and now….now he definitely wasn’t good enough. What would Kurt want with a useless sub like him? Over the year he’d just gotten out of control with how much his was eating and how little he was working out. Kurt wouldn’t want him anymore. He was so stupid.

Blaine pinched his stomach one more time, staring at the fat there and trying to make it fall off with his glare, and left the bathroom in a huff. He pulled out a sweatshirt and threw it over his head, crawling under the covers. He stroked the leather cuff around his wrists, tracing the word that Kurt had sewn in there himself.  _Beautiful._ Well, Blaine sure didn’t feel beautiful anymore.

* * *

Blaine was woken up to the feeling of light kisses against his neck. He groaned, letting the warmth wash over him and refusing to open his eyes; he never wanted the feeling to go away. Hands rubbed at his shoulders, kneading the tense muscles there before moving down to rest on his hips, squeezing lightly. Blaine’s eyes shot open at that, and he scrambled off the bed, eyes wide.

“Blaine?” Kurt asked, a look of pure confusion on his eyes, hands grasping at air now.

Blaine shook his head before taking a deep breath and meeting Kurt eyes. He saw nothing but love shining back in Kurt’s, although there was a hint of worry in them as well. Blaine gave him a small smile and walked back over towards the bed, perching on the edge of it.

“Sorry,” Blaine replied, not meeting Kurt’s eyes, “You scared me.”

 _(Liar.)_ Blaine scolded himself. ( _You’re not supposed to lie to Kurt. Kurt doesn’t like it. Stop lying. You’re a bad boy, Blaine. Now Kurt’s really not going to want you.)_

Shaking his head to try to clear the thoughts, Blaine kept his body turned mostly away from Kurt. Kurt had always had an uncanny ability to tell when something was wrong and sometimes Blaine didn’t like it. If Kurt knew about how much weight Blaine had gained, he’d surely leave him.

Strong arms wrapped around his stomach and pulled him back onto the bed until he was resting against Kurt’s chest. Blaine was torn. He’d tried to pull away at first,  _(surely Kurt can feel all this fat),_ but Kurt’s grip had remained strong and unrelenting. Blaine didn’t relax into Kurt’s arms  _(strong, sure, this is where I belong)_ but he stopped fighting it. If Kurt wanted to hold him, who was Blaine to tell Kurt no? Besides, he’d missed the feeling of Kurt’s arms around him more than anything.

“I’ve missed you so much beautiful,” whispered Kurt, placing a soft kiss between where his neck and shoulder met.

Blaine wanted to cry. Beautiful.  _(Kurt still thinks I’m beautiful)._ But no, he knew that if Kurt knew the truth, knew what Blaine looked like now, how he’d changed, Kurt wouldn’t think he’s beautiful anymore. He’d probably want to strip off his cuff; he didn’t deserve it anymore.

Unconsciously, Blaine started fingering at Kurt’s cuff.  _(Kurt’s. I’m Kurt’s)._

“I’ve missed you too, Sir,” Blaine murmured, eyes drifting shut at the feeling of Kurt’s fingers playing with his curls. That was a rule too.  _(“I love your curls, Blaine. I want you to wash out your gel whenever we’re going to be alone together.”)_

They laid in silence for a few minutes, simply soaking up the joy of being together again. This is what Blaine had missed the most, what he’d tried to find in cakes and cookies when Kurt was away; this calm and peacefulness that could never exist outside of Kurt’s arms. Blaine sighed, forgetting his apprehensions, and fully relaxed into Kurt’s chest, loving the feeling of Kurt’s strong arms tightening around him and holding him there.

Kurt began sucking on Blaine’s pulse point, nipping at the skin and causing Blaine to let out breathless moans. He soothed over the irritated skin, continuing to kiss down Blaine’s neck as his arms trailed up and down Blaine’s spine. Blaine shivered at the feeling and he let out a particularly loud moan as Kurt licked the shell of his ear. Kurt’s right hand trailed downwards, cupping Blaine’s semi-hard cock and causing Blaine to buck his hips into the feeling. He could feel Kurt’s smirk against his neck.

But as Kurt’s hands moved to the bottom of Blaine’s sweatshirt to pull it off, Blaine’s eyes widened in fear and he jumped off the bed. Coldness surrounded him at the sudden loss of Kurt’s warm body heat.

“Blaine?”

He could hear the worry in Kurt’s voice, but Blaine just backed up further until he was against the wall. Tears formed in his eyes and he tried to stop them from falling, but it was pointless; they fell anyway.

Kurt was off the bed immediately, cradling Blaine in his arms and rubbing soothing circles into his back. “Shh, beautiful, shh.”

Blaine let out a harsh sob at the word beautiful.  _(You’re disgusting Blaine. Not beautiful. Not anymore.)_

“Please…don’t…” was all Blaine managed to choke out before another sob ripped through him.

“Don’t what, sweetheart? Blaine…” Kurt was scared, Blaine could hear it, “Blaine, what’s wrong? Tell me.”

Tell me. Tell me. The words rang through Blaine’s head.  _(You can’t even listen to your Dom anymore. Such a bad sub. A bad, ugly sub.)_ The thoughts wouldn’t stop.

“Beautiful…don’t…I’m not…”

Kurt cur him off. “Of course you’re beautiful Blaine.”

Blaine shook his head, pulling out of Kurt’s arms to stand up and start pacing. Kurt watched him with wary eyes. Blaine was lost in his mind, screaming at him about how chubby he’d become and how Kurt wouldn’t want him. But Kurt was saying he  _did_ want Blaine, and that just wasn’t right, so Blaine ripped off his sweatshirt without thinking to show Kurt the truth.

“I’m not beautiful anymore! I’m fat. A chubby, ugly sub who doesn’t deserve someone as beautiful as you Sir. Doesn’t deserve this cuff. Not beautiful, not anymore.” Blaine started repeated the words like a mantra, hands itching at the lock on the cuff.  _(I don’t deserve to wear Kurt’s cuff anymore)._

Soft fingers wrapped around Blaine’s hands, pulling him out of the daze he was in. He felt a finger under his chin, making him lift his head until his eyes were locked with Kurt’s.

“What is our first rule Blaine?” Kurt’s tone was hard, no room for arguments, and Blaine let out a small breath at the commanding voice. This, this is what he needed. Kurt, he needed his Sir.

“To tell you when I have self-deprecating thoughts.”

Kurt nodded. “Good boy.”

Blaine let out a sob at the words, there was nothing good about him anymore.

“What are you thinking?” Kurt asked, voice soft. Blaine just shook his head, not responding. “No, we use our words Blaine. Don’t make me tell you again.”

Blaine shivered, feeling the command wash over his body and more tension left his body. _(kurt, kurt, kurt)._

“I’m a bad sub, Sir. I let myself get chubby and now you won’t want me again. I don’t deserve you anymore Sir,” Blaine’s vision began to cloud with tears again, but Kurt kept his chin forward, eye contact never wavering, “Blaine’s not beautiful anymore, Sir. Blaine doesn’t deserve your cuff, Blaine doesn’t…doesn’t…” He trailed off, throat tightening as he felt the sobs begin to start again.

Kurt put on hand on each of Blaine’s cheeks, wiping away the tears from his eyes with his thumbs, and keeping strong eyes contact with Blaine. His voice was soft but sure when he spoke. “You are beautiful, Blaine. A few pounds does  _not_  change that. I love your stomach, I love  _you._ I don’t want to hear you disrespect yourself like that again. You are my good boy, Blaine. My perfect, beautiful sub. And I don’t let anyone say otherwise, including you beautiful.”

Blaine fell into Kurt’s arms, letting the words wash over him.  _(beautiful. blaine’s beautiful)._

“Come here sweetheart.” Kurt pulled Blaine onto the bed, laying him down on his back and covering his body. Blaine shivered at the feeling of Kurt’s body covering his own, letting him know that he was Kurt’s.  _(“Whenever you lay down on top of me, cover me, I feel like yours Sir.”)_

Kurt sucked Blaine’s bottom lip into his mouth, hands trailing patterns over Blaine’s stomach. Blaine arched into the touch, mind reeling at the feel of Kurt against him after so long.

“Can I bind you beautiful?”

Blaine nodded before receiving a hard look from Kurt. “Yes,” he breathed, “please Sir.”

Kurt smiled, pulling Blaine in for another soft kiss before getting off the bed. He walked into the closet, pulling out the box that Blaine had stashed there, and pulled out a pair of leather cuffs and a blindfold. He turned back to Blaine.

“I’m going to blindfold you too. Is that okay?”

“Yes,” Blaine moaned, beginning to squirm on the bed.

Kurt chuckled, stripping off his shirt as he came back to the bed. Blaine groaned at the feeling of Kurt’s skin against his, thoughts about his weight long gone as he was surrounded by nothing but Kurt.

Kurt lifted Blaine’s hands over his head, latching the cuffs around his wrists before pulling him in for another kiss.

“So beautiful,” Kurt whispered against his lips and warmth spread through Blaine.

“Safeword?” Kurt asked, bringing the blindfold up to Blaine’s face.

“Snow Leopard,” Blaine breathed, closing his eyes as the soft fabric fell over them. He was lost to the sense of Kurt around him. It was all he could smell, feel, breathe, and it was  _perfect._

“Good boy. I just want you to feel.”

Blaine nodded and Kurt’s hands trailed down his body, pulling off his jeans and boxers in one go. Blaine squirmed before Kurt’s soft touch on his hip stilled him.

“So beautiful.”

Tears filled his eyes as Kurt start kissing his body, sucking bruises into his hips and letting his hands roam over.

 _(blaine_ is  _beautiful)_

He could feel nothing but Kurt’s soft touch. He hands kneaded the new softness of his stomach, mouth following where his hands left. Blaine was drowning in the love he felt pouring out of Kurt with every touch.

“Sir…” Blaine whimpered as Kurt pulled away.

“Shh my sweet boy. I’m right here.”

Blaine heard the sound of a cap popping open and closed, cock hardening further at the sound. Kurt chuckled quietly and Blaine pulled at his cuffs, wanting nothing more than to touch Kurt.

“Open your legs for me.”

Blaine’s legs fell open immediately at the word, but he felt vulnerable as he did. He was completely exposed to Kurt now, completely open.  _(What if Kurt’s…)_

“Quiet your mind beautiful. I just want you to feel.”

Blaine listened eagerly as he felt Kurt rest on top of his thighs. Blaine lost himself to the feeling of Kurt circling his hole, mouth pressing soft kisses to his right thigh. As he moved to his left, the finger slipped inside, causing a low moan to escape from Blaine as his hips jerked up.

“So eager…” Kurt whispered, sliding a second finger into Blaine and moving up his body and trapping his mouth in a searing kiss.

Blaine opened his mouth easily, letting Kurt’s tongue massage his own as he gave himself over to the pleasure Kurt was causing him to feel. He could feel nothing but Kurt, could think of nothing but Kurt. He was drowning in the feeling of Kurt surrounding him and he never wanted it to stop.

Kurt slid a third finger into Blaine, spreading him open before curling against his prostrate. Blaine moaned, hips jerking as Kurt continued to massage over his prostrate. His cock was rock hard and leaking pre-cum, and Blaine wanted nothing more than for Kurt to slip inside him and make him his.

Blaine’s hands flexed, itching with the desire to reach out and touch Kurt. “Please…Sir…I need….”

Kurt quieted him with a kiss, before beginning to trail kisses down Blaine’s chest and to his stomach. Kurt dipped his tongue into Blaine’s slit, tasting the pre-cum that had gathered there, before wrapping his lips around the head of Blaine’s cock.

“Sir!” Blaine exclaimed, hands gripping the chain of the cuffs as he started panting. Kurt swirled his tongue around the head, before taking Blaine’s entire cock into his mouth, fingers still massaging Blaine prostate.

Kurt ran his tongue along the vein on the underside of Blaine’s cock before pulling off completely, fingers pulling out at the same time. Blaine whined at the loss, but Kurt was back quickly, cock pushing against the rim of Blaine’s hole before pushing completely in.

Blaine groaned, concentrating on nothing but the feeling of Kurt inside him. It’d been so long since their last time, and Blaine was drowning in the feeling of pure love that he felt radiating off of Kurt. He brought his legs up to wrap around Kurt, pushing him in further.

Kurt leaned down, catching Blaine’s lips into another kiss and began thrusting into him, cock hitting Blaine’s prostate every time.

Blaine was writhing underneath Kurt, completely lost to everything but the complete pleasure Kurt was giving him. It didn’t take long before he felt himself on the edge, barely able to hold back his orgasm.

Kurt leaned down, sucking softly on Blaine’s stomach and placing kisses there, beginning to thrust into Blaine harder. It only took a few thrusts, and a whispered “Come for me beautiful,” against Blaine’s stomach before Blaine felt his orgasm rip through him.

Kurt kept thrusting, keeping Blaine trapped in the waves of pleasure that were crashing over him, before his hips finally stilled, and Blaine felt warmth and he drifting off to the feeling of Kurt filling him.

When he came to, he was lying on his side, blindfold removed and hands cradled against his chest. He blinked his eyes open, staring right into Kurt’s bright eyes.

“How do you feel?” Kurt asked softly.

Blaine smiled, curling his body around Kurt’s and resting his head on his chest.

“Beautiful,” whispered Blaine.

_(Blaine’s beautiful)._


End file.
